A Maple Leaf Proposal

It is no secret that the American economy is in the toilet. The national debt has reached over 15 trillion dollars, and hundreds of thousands of dollars are added to that running total every second. On top of that, the United States owes China a few trillion dollars in interest. At this point, it is only a matter of time before China lends us a final dollar to dry our tears as they replace our flags with the red flags of communism.

This financial crisis has plagued our country for about four years. So far, nobody has been able to even begin to reverse the damage. Our leaders and economists have put their heads together but found them tragically empty. Luckily for America, I have designed a solution that will prevent the inevitable Chinese invasion, the raping and pillaging of cities and villages from sea to shining sea.

We must phone our friendly Canadian neighbors and inform them that they’re now officially all slaves of Americans. These passive buggers will most likely happily agree, but if they do decline our generous offer, an invasion will be prepared. This may even be easier than the phone call; I’m pretty sure Canada doesn’t even have a military.

If the enslavement is forced, it will soon be appreciated. Our chipper friends will be quite relieved to get away from their cold, harsh environment. They will know what it is like to walk barefoot without having to subsequently amputate their frostbitten toes.

In addition to eliminating labor costs and thus providing all of the United States with any kind of free service or product, the Canadians will make a great addition to the NHL. It will please our undervalued hockey teams and the Canadians. Even the worst hockey players in Canada would become stars in the states.

America will have to make a few small changes, but they will be worth it. Snow machines will be put in every state, and bottles of maple syrup must be sold at sporting events, convenience stores, and vending machines. These small sacrifices made by Americans will secure the future of this great nation, while enhancing global relations, particularly with Canada and China.

A Modest Analysis

Presenting an ironically wild idea in “A Modest Proposal,” Jonathan Swift incorporates extended hyperbole, dark sarcasm, and a shocking shift in order to bring attention to the issue of poverty, overpopulation, and the lack of action to rectify these societal problems. Swift satirizes the incompetence of the government and the people of Ireland by sarcastically suggesting that newborns be used as a staple food source. The audience is also reassured that the poor, elderly, and disabled are dying “as fast as can be reasonably expected.” The resulting essay is a disturbingly hilarious example of gallows humor.

    The entire essay is a preposterous exaggeration. It is evident to anyone who is not a psychopath that the systematic slaughtering of infants and widespread cannibalism is ludicrous. Yet he predicts that “one thousand families in this city, would be constant customers for infant flesh, besides others who might have it at merry meeting.” However, society has to become a bit more desensitized in order to accept this custom. By creating a ludicrous piece, he makes his intention to satirize the elite conspicuous.

    The tone that Swift employs is one of sarcasm. He assures his audience that the benefits will outweigh the costs of feeding the child and clothing him in rags for a year. There is baked, or boiled.” Swift also makes sardonic remarks about the Catholic church, highlighting the advantage of “lessening the number of Papists among us.” These remarks are quite sassy and mocking. even detail about what a “delicious nourishing and wholesome foo, whether stewed, roasted,

    Although seemingly insignificant, the shift plays an important role in this paper. The beginning of his essay presents the issues that must be dealt with. Other possible solution are dismissed as “grossly mistaken in their computation.” It entices the reader by gloating about the wonderful things his impending solution will achieve. He states “I shall now humbly propose my own thoughts” and proceeds with his wild, not at all humble suggestions.

    Jonathan Swift intended his plan to be absurd, which is what makes it comical. It is ridiculously far-fetched, which shocks the reader into paying attention to the true meaning in essay. It criticizes and makes a mockery of the government, the rich, the Papists, and all the other empowered groups of people who choose to not help their impoverished neighbors. The consequences of indifference to the suffering of others are just as inhumane as his proposed barbaric cannibalism.

Depicting a young man witness his date have a hilariously embarassing encounter with her parents in Kiss and Tell, Alain de Botton takes advantage of the dates bystander point of view to show that despite the efforts of kids to distance themselves from their parents and try their best "not to recognize" the similaraties, they clearly exist. Isabel is embarassed by her father's nerdy diction, referring to his daughter as "my bean." Her mother's unintentionally degrading remarks about her cleavage, or lack thereof, are equally mortifying. And despite Isabel's evident horror at the behavior of her parents, it is amusing to watch this dialogue unfold through the eyes of the uninvolved boyfriend. Despite her embarassment, there is also humor in the fact that of all the possible things to do on this night, both Isabel and her parents decided to see the same play and go to the same bar afterward. No matter how much she tried to wish away the blood relation to Mr. and Mrs. Rogers, their indentical tastes in Spanish domestic dramas proves that they will always be a part of the same domestic drama. Knowing that Isabel's boyfriend still had a chance to avoid having crazy in-laws made this tale entertaining rather than terrifying.